5 Minute Rule

Lew Rubens had this rule with his former lovers and has passed it on to me and to the BDSM world at large and it is probably the single most important bondage thing you will learn on this page. When in bondage, a person who enjoys bondage or wants to please their partner is going to push them selves to stay in the bondage as long as possible. First it all just feels wonderful. As time goes your arms begin to ache (or your back/neck/legs...whatever) but it's not so bad that it's ruining your fun yet. A few more minutes and that minor discomfort has grown to full blown pain and it IS starting to affect your fun. You know you can take it another few minutes but not much more. This is when you communicate "5" to your partner. That lets the top know that you are expecting him/her to have you pretty much untied in 5 minutes time. For shoots knowing your partner is down to the last 5 minutes, and knowing it will take you 2 minutes to get him/her bondage released enough to enable moderate comfort, allows you to let the photographers know they have 3 minutes to get their shots or to instruct the bottom to act a certain way for those 3 minutes so that the video ends on the correct note. For scene players that 5 minutes gives them time to give their partner a cool down if they've been playing with kinetic toys, or to do something that they really wanted their partner to feel but they hadn't gotten to use yet.

The 5 minute rule puts the responsibility of the scene on both players equally. Before you start a scene make sure your play partner/rigger/bottom understands the 5 minute rule thoroughly and will use it. When it is not used the pain-building scene I described in the previous paragraph becomes panic when the bottom endures as long as he/she can and suddenly it hurts so much that panic sets in and the heart races and hyperventilation follows because by the time they said they needed to be freed it was too late. It's easy to forget that it takes TIME to untie and that time can be a smoothly flowing relief for both players or a panicky, fumbling race with scissors.... I'd recommend choosing to use the 5 minute rule.

Safewords

Arguably the most important thing to cover in your pre-scene negotiation is your safeword. 'RED' is a very common safeword and if either partner says it at any time during a scene all play stops and any gag is removed immediately. If you plan on using a gag I suggest a triple grunt "Ugh, Ugh, Ugh!" be used as an agreed upon substitute for your normal spoken safeword. Some extreme scenes, such as those underwater, thoroughly mummified, or where the bottom has a feeding or breathing tube you will want to use prenegotiated Hand Signals such as tapping your fingers in a certain way or raising one finger. Whatever you decide on make sure it something that the Top knows to watch for diligently and that it is not a movement that the bottom will do in the heat of a scene accidentally. That wouldn't ruin the whole scene but it would stop the momentum while the Top immediately removes the gag and does whatever is necessary to communicate with the bottom to ensure he/she is OK. The final method that I've used for safety signals is using an object that you hold such as a floaty in the water - releasing the floaty into the water should be the emergency rescue signal. If you prefer some piece of mind and if the bottom keeps his/her head enough, you can use 2 floaties of different colors (also useful if you have multiple bottoms underwater) to signal different things. For example, a green floaty appearing on the surface would mean that your bottom has about 20 seconds of air left where a red one would mean he/she needs immediate rescue. The most important thing about whatever safeword method you choose is that all players know it, and are hyper-alert to respond to it.

Recommended MEMBERS related topic: Control Words

Negotiating a Scene - coming soon

Sub-heading of Art of Negotiating Limits

Fantasy Abductions

Fantasy abduction can be a wonderful, healthy way of enhancing your sex life by role-playing. On the internet you see sites, including this one, PRETENDING to use chloroform. In reality I'm telling you, never use chloroform or drug your partner in any way! At one time I found a way to get some chloroform and just had to do a scene with it. I woke up with a migraine and nausea that brought a halt to the rest of the scene. That is one law that is on the books for a reason. Fantasy abduction role playing can be dangerous since part of the thrill for both players often involves some sort of physical struggle where the abductor overpowers the abductee. Before you begin role-playing negotiate a safe-word at the very least.

Bondage Gear (Top) - coming soon